He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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