So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
