help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
