I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Shame - the story of my life.
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