Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
