if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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