I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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