I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
