We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
