trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
