Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
