Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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