I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Floor bacon is actually really good
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
