I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
