last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
