I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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