Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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