so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
