don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just found a bag of teeth...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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