I haven't been this sober since birth.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
