The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
