Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
