Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
