I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
