C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
