lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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