Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
