Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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