I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
