Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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