You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
