You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
