Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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