I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
