I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
