susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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