you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
