Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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