dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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