He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
