her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
