He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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