Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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