hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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