P.S. I can't hear my feet
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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