He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All the doctor said was why
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
