You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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