I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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