It's Friday. Sex?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
