happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
