I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
