I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
