Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
