the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
