You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Randomize
