I love black thongs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
