so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
