She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
