every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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